Saturday, November 17, 2012

THE REPUBLIC OF ROB

Mark Antony
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar.

So let it be with Mitt Romney, who is a good an honorable man, but the wrong candidate to lead the conservative revolution this country so badly needs. Indeed, both Mitt Romney and John McCain were "default" candidates who only got their party's nomination because all of the conservative candidates split each other's vote. Mitt Romney is a big government, Massachusetts liberal who could not articulate to voters enough of a degree of difference between his philosophy of governing and that of Obama's. Moreover, because he did not have a passionate conservative ideology of government, he let Obama define him as a capitalist villain and became defensive  instead of proudly and articulately espousing the benefits of limited government, free trade and property rights. When accused of laying off workers, out sourcing jobs, investing in Chinese companies, etc. his response should have been : "damn right I did these things and here is why." Stupidity and ignorance will prevail if it is not challenged.

President Rob Smith
Y'all Can All Go To Hell

So let's pretend that I am running for president in 2016, here is my vision of government  and how I will articulate it. The Obama-ites believe that all the money in your pocket belongs to them and they have the right to decide how much of your money you should be allowed to keep. The correct vision of government is how much of my money do I consent to give the government and what conditions do I place on government in return for my money? Here is what I would campaign on and what I would strive to do as president:

  • Abolish the income tax. There are plenty of ways to raise revenue for the essential functions of government that do not tax productivity and punish success. If the government can confiscate 50% of your income, how is this different from being a slave 6 months/year?
  • Roll back government spending to pre-stimulus,  January 1, 2008 levels. As of 1/1/2008, the government spent $2.7 trillion dollars/year. In 2013, the federal government is projected to have approximately $2.9 trillion in revenue. I am living off of far less than I did in 2008, the government can do so as well. Presto- the deficit is eliminated and we have an extra $200 billion/year to apply to the national debt.
  • Privatize Social Security. All $ comes from the private sector, the risk of performance should be individualized instead of socialized.
  • Repeal the 17th Amendment. Senators should be appointed by state legislators and be answerable to their states, instead of pandering for votes by doling out goodies to the masses.
  • Under my new tax system, there is no IRS, the states collect the money from its citizens to tender to the federal government for its operations. This would restore the proper balance of federalism to our nation's affairs. The states ( which are closer to the people and the taxpayer) created the federal government. The feds should have their hands out to the states and not the other way around. 
  • Abolish the Department of Education and return ALL of its $77 billion of spending to the taxpayers. This would include complete abolishment of all federal student loan programs, which do nothing but drive up the costs of education, leave young people in hopeless amounts of debt and retard true educational reform ( such as Internet classes which costs practically nothing).
  • Eliminate all regulations on health care; anybody can practice medicine. Choice and competition drives down costs. I make the decision whether the mechanic who works on my car knows what he is doing, it should be the same for medicine.  Furthermore, as there will no longer be an income tax, the employer deductions for health insurance expenses will not be necessary, which in and of itself has created grotesquely perverse incentives which place 3rd party bureaucracies in between the simple bargain and sale of health services that naturally exist between a Dr. and his patient.
  • Establish a foreign policy that protects America's vital interests and safety. It is commerce and free trade between nations that ensures world stability and peace. It is economics that is the driving force for beneficial change within countries. If a despot does not want to be a 3rd world basket case, then he will liberate his  people by giving them economic liberties and protected property rights. No peasant cares a hoot about "democratic reforms," unless they can feed their families. Once the spirit of enterprise is unleashed, it always leads to greater human dignity and freedom.
Ronnie Spoke the Truth
All of this is pretty simple. Yet, none of the pretty boys   in the Republican party has the cojones to say what needs to be said, for fear of being unpopular. For God sakes,  Rachel Maddow and Joy Behar might be upset. As for me, I am mean as a snake, and nobody likes me anyway, so I couldn't give a happy nappy if I piss off half of America, in fact I prefer it that way. Indeed, there are few pleasures more pleasurable than histrionic liberals getting their panties in a wad.

So the way to win elections is to be very unpopular by telling the truth. Keep telling the truth and pissing people off. Eventually, voters will respect you and then listen to you and then vote for you because you are right. Never give in on principle. Always fight for what is right. There is no other way.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bus Ticket Back to Chi-Town

NEXT STOP HIGHLAND PARK!
As many of y'all know, I took a leave of absence from my job as Editor in Chief at ROB IS RIGHT to counsel the Romney campaign. Believing in journalistic integrity, I did not believe it was proper to write my award winning,  international column and actively work for one political party. Gee, I didn't want folks to think  I was biased or opinionated! However, I believe it is so important to send Barack back to Chi-town, I have decided to break my vow of silence and to use my national following and considerable influence to elect Mitt Romney the 45th President of the United States. Indeed, I have been doing whatever it takes behind the scenes over the past few months. For example:

Ann Was Practicing Before Debate
Notice how Barack was kinda flustered during the first debate? I was making goofy faces at him in the audience. Ann Coulter (she digs me by the way) and I took turns making  the little rabbit sign with our fingers behind Michelle's head when the President was talking.

Right before the Vice-Presidential Debate, I gave the Barista at the Centre College  Starbucks a handful of caffeine pills to slip into Joe Biden's skinny vanilla latte (no soy). I think it made Joe look a little jumpy.

The  Democratic Party relies a lot on the illegal alien vote. I have been conducting educational  seminars along the Texas and California border. Do you know what the word  "barack" means in Spanish? Arrogant, big eared, liberal, know it all, that's what. I think I turned a few votes.

Then there is the techno geek buddy of mine I had hack into the 22 million free cell phones Barack has doled out to buy votes. On Tuesday morning, there is going to be a pre-recorded message on each phone informing each owner of the new Obama Free Color TV Initiative and where to pick them up on election day. This should keep a few voters away from the polls.

American Bar Association
Our team of dirty tricksters will keep the trail lawyer lobby away from the polls by feigning automobile accidents all over the country. We are mobilizing 100,000 ambulances. 

I have devised similar dirty tricks to be played on the felon vote, the ugly woman I hate men vote, the fat slovenly federal worker vote, the ultra white skin I have not  taken a bath in 6 years Vegan vote, the limousine liberal I actually own a little yappy lap dog vote and the people of French ancestry vote; all of whom are core constituencies of the Democratic Party. I can't disclose these tactics, but needless to say, like me, they are BRILLIANT! 

                     ROB (Who Is Always Right)
                     Reporting From Secret Dirty Tricks Bunker
                     Somewhere, North America