Bus Ticket Back to Chi-Town

NEXT STOP HIGHLAND PARK!

As many of y'all know, I took a leave of absence from my job as Editor in Chief at ROB IS RIGHT to counsel the Romney campaign. Believing in journalistic integrity, I did not believe it was proper to write my award winning,  international column and actively work for one political party. Gee, I didn't want folks to think  I was biased or opinionated! However, I believe it is so important to send Barack back to Chi-town, I have decided to break my vow of silence and to use my national following and considerable influence to elect Mitt Romney the 45th President of the United States. Indeed, I have been doing whatever it takes behind the scenes over the past few months. For example:

Ann Was Practicing Before Debate

Notice how Barack was kinda flustered during the first debate? I was making goofy faces at him in the audience. Ann Coulter (she digs me by the way) and I took turns making  the little rabbit sign with our fingers behind Michelle's head when the President was talking.

Right before the Vice-Presidential Debate, I gave the Barista at the Centre College  Starbucks a handful of caffeine pills to slip into Joe Biden's skinny vanilla latte (no soy). I think it made Joe look a little jumpy.

The  Democratic Party relies a lot on the illegal alien vote. I have been conducting educational  seminars along the Texas and California border. Do you know what the word  "barack" means in Spanish? Arrogant, big eared, liberal, know it all, that's what. I think I turned a few votes.

Then there is the techno geek buddy of mine I had hack into the 22 million free cell phones Barack has doled out to buy votes. On Tuesday morning, there is going to be a pre-recorded message on each phone informing each owner of the new Obama Free Color TV Initiative and where to pick them up on election day. This should keep a few voters away from the polls.

American Bar Association

Our team of dirty tricksters will keep the trail lawyer lobby away from the polls by feigning automobile accidents all over the country. We are mobilizing 100,000 ambulances. 

I have devised similar dirty tricks to be played on the felon vote, the ugly woman I hate men vote, the fat slovenly federal worker vote, the ultra white skin I have not  taken a bath in 6 years Vegan vote, the limousine liberal I actually own a little yappy lap dog vote and the people of French ancestry vote; all of whom are core constituencies of the Democratic Party. I can't disclose these tactics, but needless to say, like me, they are BRILLIANT! 

                     ROB (Who Is Always Right)
                     Reporting From Secret Dirty Tricks Bunker
                     Somewhere, North America