That Kid's Got Heart

Stuart Smith

23 YEARS AGO.  The phone rang, it was my brother telling me "it was a boy." I was struck my the elation and sheer joy in his voice. Brick is 8 years older than I am, and of the four Smith boys, he was the last one of us to become a father. It made me happy that he was so excited. It felt good. Stuart Bolling Smith was named after Brick's father-in-law, a wonderful man, with a folksy sense of humor and VMI to the core. It was fitting for Mr. Bolling to be honored in this way, as well as a damn good namesake for this baby boy to have.

40 minutes later, Brick called again. With tears and a broken voice, he told me not to come to the hospital, as it did not look like Stuart was going to make it. He was going to die. An Episcopal minister rushed to the hospital to read these words out of the Book of Common Prayer:
                                                                                                                                                               

Last Rites

O FATHER of mercies, and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need, we fly unto thee for succour in behalf of this thy servant, here lying under thy hand in great weakness of body......... forasmuch as in all appearance the time of his dissolution draweth near, so fit and prepare him, we beseech thee, against the hour of death, that after his departure hence in peace, and in thy favour, his soul may be received into thine everlasting kingdom, through the merits and mediation of Jesus Christ, thine only Son, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

Yet, Stuart did not die. He had open heart surgery the day he was born. He's had many other operations and procedures, yet Stuart lives, in fact he thrives. Stuart was born a "blue baby," in a sense, he only had half a heart.

Despite being born with "half a heart," Stuart has MORE HEART than anyone I have ever known. Let me tell you about Stuart. The little son of a bitch is funny. We Smiths like to tease,..... unmercifully. Everyone is a target, we can't help it.  As you can tell from the picture above, Stuart is a goofball, always been that way. So you would think, a goofy  kid with a heart condition would get an exemption from the Smith brother ribbing and teasing. Nope, of all the nieces and nephews, Stuart has caught the most s#*t , probably because he is so good natured and quick with his own quips.  One Thanksgiving dinner, Stu brought a girl home from college. While passing the cranberry sauce, my brother Ken tells her that Stuart was born without a certain uh, eh,......male body part.  Stu rolls with it, Stu laughs, Stu can TAKE IT.

Stuart and my son Coleman always played on the same baseball team. They were polar opposites athletically. Stuart was not going to hit the ball. Because of his health issues, he was small, he ran funny and he was not very strong; yet Stuart was always the most popular player on the team. The little son of a bitch is funny; he makes you laugh. The kids loved him not out of sympathy for his heart condition, but because he had so much personality. Stuart always had a respectable on base percentage, because he would try and get hit by the ball! Now what kind of undersized, goofy kid with a heart condition tries to get beaned by the ball in little league so he can help his team? A kid with a HUGE heart.

Stuart was always a F-up. In high school, the chief administrator/disciplinarian ( a Dr. so and so) was busting Stuart's chops for being, well....a little F-up. What does Stuart do? Stuart creates a Facebook profile for the good Dr. with a bio that states  "I like little boys in tight pants. .... I am a proud member of the Nazi Party, ..... I live with my Mother,"....and well you get the picture. It was hilarious; his uncles were quite proud of him. Of course, he got kicked out of school for it, but hey, somethings are worth the price.

Stuart's heart was really giving him trouble his junior year in high school. Stu didn't give a happy nappy about school, and we speculate that it was because he didn't think he was going to live very long. Then something happened. My brother found a Dr. in Chicago who thought he could operate on Stuart and really help him. Stuart spent a number of weeks that year in Chicago at the Children's Memorial Hospital. The operation went well, really well. Then something miraculous happened to Stuart; he began to care. He went from a D student to straight As.

Stuart is now a senior in college and the goofy little son of a bitch is a TRIPLE major in Classical Studies, Philosophy and History!!! A Renaissance Man Extraordinaire! He is a straight  A student and has developed into a genuine strapping hoss, buffed up and chiseled from pumping iron. Last week, I was honored that he invited me to attend his History dissertation. I tried making faces at him so he would screw up, but he wasn't buying it. He lectured on the adaptability of Spartan culture over several centuries of Hellenistic migration patterns. He did a damn good job,  and it really made me think. I am really proud of Stuart for many reasons. Yes, he has met adversity and smacked it in the mouth. Yes, he is an academic phenom. Yes, he's got gumption. But what I like the most about Stu is his "funness" and good attitude.  He has never whined about anything. He's a winner !

To the left is a picture of Stuart. As you can see, he was always a book worm. This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this story. It is posted merely to embarrass Stuart. If you look closely, I think brother Ken may have been right in his Thanksgiving observation...

HAVE A MERRY BARRY WHITE CHRISTMAS

It is that time of year again where my readers ( groupies would be a better word) from all over  the world write me and ask me what I want for Christmas. If I were not such an honest guy, I'd respond with some drivel like "world peace" or "harmony among the nations." What I really want is MONEY and LOTS of it. So here is my routing # and bank account: 05100020: 35741604, and I hope all y'all have a Merry Christmas.

The  Good Book ( see Luke 6:38) says "the more you give, the more you shall receive," so brothers and sisters, get in good with the Lord and send me MONEY!!! You will be counting your blessings in no time.

My Boy's New Car

Think how happy it is going to make my girlfriend when I get her that new Balenciaga handbag with the keys to our new summer place in Newport.  Think of all the action my son is going to get driving his new Aston Martin One -77. Think of me, your old buddy Rob, who faithfully and tirelessly  blogs away (thinking nothing of his own well being) such that you can be informed. Is a 59' Hinckley to much to ask for all the erudite wisdom I have brought you over the years? Send MONEY!!!

He Needs Mo of Yo $

Now some might think it tacky, perhaps a bit boorish to make such a crass and commercial appeal as to actually ask for money, not me. I am just doing my patriotic duty. Didn't President Obama tell Joe the Plumber that "we needed to spread the wealth around?" Aren't we as a nation in a fiscal crisis? Didn't that $900 billion stimulus bill back in 2009 do wonders for the economy? Isn't the President planning a second stimulus package for 2013? Well, here I am, give me MONEY and help the US economy. Wouldn't you rather give me, somebody you know your money than to give it to the faceless federal bureaucracy? Think of all the good I am going to do with your money. Did I mention all the action my son was going to get driving that new James Bond car!

For $69.99, You Can Have Your
 Very Own Barry White Doll !!!

The Feds aren't going to be transparent with you, I am. I am GOING  to utterly waste your MONEY. I will be lighting my Altadis' Behike cigar with $100 bills. ( Surely this is a wiser use of $ than paying 47 million people not to work).  I am going to dribble a little bit of it out to other people so I can feel like a big shot and they will owe me favors. ( Sound familiar?). I will invest some of it in my  new talking Barry White doll venture guaranteed to create much needed jobs. Surely this is a better investment than Solyndra?  What lonely woman would not want to pay big bucks to come home and have her Barry White doll tell her in his trademark deep LOVER'S voice " you 'sho' look good in those lavender panties baby, come on over here."

So I hope that the spirit of the season compels you to get straight with Jesus and do what is right for America by sending me lots of MONEY. Think of Brother Barry and the joy he will bring your 90 year old grandmother this Christmas if only you do the right thing. Barry Christmas!!!

SPOONBREAD AND THE COLOR PURPLE



The Spoonbread Test

I think the Commonwealth of Virginia should have its own immigration policy. The fact that Virginia is now a "purple state" pains me and it is all the fault of that sprawling cultural wasteland, devoid of any character or redeeming qualities: Northern Virginia.  I like the "old" Virginia: good bourbon,  fast horses, the smell of box woods outside of an old country church, ham biscuits, shooting canvasbacks over corn (not that I ever did that) and polite people who would never beep their  horn at you. 

 I hate Northern Virginia! Now "hate" is a strong word, it ain't very Christian. My dear Mother, bless her soul, would wash my and my brothers' mouths out with soap if we uttered that word. Well Mom, "bring it," because I still hate that God awful place. Now I know how the Israelis feel having the Palestinian Authority bordering them to the north. Like the Palestinians, Nova-ites have denuded the country side and are always causing trouble, especially when they go to the polls to vote.  They have a nomadic cultural heritage and they name their children strange names like: Brittany, Dylan and Nicole. Their  idea of  architecture and aesthetics, well let's just say, I'd rather live in Leningrad circa 1944. Lethargic dullards, all suckling off the federal teat and all casting their votes to perpetuate Leviathan and their own vanilla existence. Most don't even own a gun and almost assuredly put ginger ale in their whiskey ( a horrible sin).
 


Now That's A Real Dog

 I have always thought of Virginians as kind of a separate ethnic group, and as such, I think we have been displaced from our homeland, and we have the right to take it back. Nova-ites should be repatriated north of the Potomac. They will be allowed to keep their Prius's and double breasted  sports jackets. If allowed to stay, perhaps they could be sterilized. Those that show promise could be sent to re-education camps where they could learn to smile and perhaps one day, to do something useful, like smoke barbecue. We could send them to forced labor camps, but really, how much labor can we expect to get out of a federal bureaucrat? Once the countryside is cleansed, the Commonwealth's new immigration policy would be strictly enforced. If the emigre knows what spoonbread is and has a good recipe, we let him in. If  the applicant has a snot nosed kid who says "what" when you ask him a question, instead of "Sir," you grab the little bugger and throw him off a cliff into the Potomac. A family with a good bird dog who can flush quail might get in, but families with little yappy dogs are automatically disqualified. Naturally, hot looking babes make the cut. 

Of course, there might be a few timid souls in the General Assembly who resist my plan. If so, then I propose another idea. Anyone convicted of a Class 1 Misdemeanor would be punished by having to live in Fairfax County. Crime below the Rappahannock would plummet,  and we could close all the prisons.  Once again, thinking out of the box, the epitome of moderation and reason, I am ROB and I am always RIGHT!!!

THE REPUBLIC OF ROB

Mark Antony

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar.

So let it be with Mitt Romney, who is a good an honorable man, but the wrong candidate to lead the conservative revolution this country so badly needs. Indeed, both Mitt Romney and John McCain were "default" candidates who only got their party's nomination because all of the conservative candidates split each other's vote. Mitt Romney is a big government, Massachusetts liberal who could not articulate to voters enough of a degree of difference between his philosophy of governing and that of Obama's. Moreover, because he did not have a passionate conservative ideology of government, he let Obama define him as a capitalist villain and became defensive  instead of proudly and articulately espousing the benefits of limited government, free trade and property rights. When accused of laying off workers, out sourcing jobs, investing in Chinese companies, etc. his response should have been : "damn right I did these things and here is why." Stupidity and ignorance will prevail if it is not challenged.

President Rob Smith
Y'all Can All Go To Hell

So let's pretend that I am running for president in 2016, here is my vision of government  and how I will articulate it. The Obama-ites believe that all the money in your pocket belongs to them and they have the right to decide how much of your money you should be allowed to keep. The correct vision of government is how much of my money do I consent to give the government and what conditions do I place on government in return for my money? Here is what I would campaign on and what I would strive to do as president:

• Abolish the income tax. There are plenty of ways to raise revenue for the essential functions of government that do not tax productivity and punish success. If the government can confiscate 50% of your income, how is this different from being a slave 6 months/year?
• Roll back government spending to pre-stimulus,  January 1, 2008 levels. As of 1/1/2008, the government spent $2.7 trillion dollars/year. In 2013, the federal government is projected to have approximately $2.9 trillion in revenue. I am living off of far less than I did in 2008, the government can do so as well. Presto- the deficit is eliminated and we have an extra $200 billion/year to apply to the national debt.
• Privatize Social Security. All $ comes from the private sector, the risk of performance should be individualized instead of socialized.
• Repeal the 17th Amendment. Senators should be appointed by state legislators and be answerable to their states, instead of pandering for votes by doling out goodies to the masses.
• Under my new tax system, there is no IRS, the states collect the money from its citizens to tender to the federal government for its operations. This would restore the proper balance of federalism to our nation's affairs. The states ( which are closer to the people and the taxpayer) created the federal government. The feds should have their hands out to the states and not the other way around. 
• Abolish the Department of Education and return ALL of its $77 billion of spending to the taxpayers. This would include complete abolishment of all federal student loan programs, which do nothing but drive up the costs of education, leave young people in hopeless amounts of debt and retard true educational reform ( such as Internet classes which costs practically nothing).
• Eliminate all regulations on health care; anybody can practice medicine. Choice and competition drives down costs. I make the decision whether the mechanic who works on my car knows what he is doing, it should be the same for medicine.  Furthermore, as there will no longer be an income tax, the employer deductions for health insurance expenses will not be necessary, which in and of itself has created grotesquely perverse incentives which place 3rd party bureaucracies in between the simple bargain and sale of health services that naturally exist between a Dr. and his patient.
• Establish a foreign policy that protects America's vital interests and safety. It is commerce and free trade between nations that ensures world stability and peace. It is economics that is the driving force for beneficial change within countries. If a despot does not want to be a 3rd world basket case, then he will liberate his  people by giving them economic liberties and protected property rights. No peasant cares a hoot about "democratic reforms," unless they can feed their families. Once the spirit of enterprise is unleashed, it always leads to greater human dignity and freedom.

Ronnie Spoke the Truth

All of this is pretty simple. Yet, none of the pretty boys   in the Republican party has the cojones to say what needs to be said, for fear of being unpopular. For God sakes,  Rachel Maddow and Joy Behar might be upset. As for me, I am mean as a snake, and nobody likes me anyway, so I couldn't give a happy nappy if I piss off half of America, in fact I prefer it that way. Indeed, there are few pleasures more pleasurable than histrionic liberals getting their panties in a wad.

So the way to win elections is to be very unpopular by telling the truth. Keep telling the truth and pissing people off. Eventually, voters will respect you and then listen to you and then vote for you because you are right. Never give in on principle. Always fight for what is right. There is no other way.

Bus Ticket Back to Chi-Town

NEXT STOP HIGHLAND PARK!

As many of y'all know, I took a leave of absence from my job as Editor in Chief at ROB IS RIGHT to counsel the Romney campaign. Believing in journalistic integrity, I did not believe it was proper to write my award winning,  international column and actively work for one political party. Gee, I didn't want folks to think  I was biased or opinionated! However, I believe it is so important to send Barack back to Chi-town, I have decided to break my vow of silence and to use my national following and considerable influence to elect Mitt Romney the 45th President of the United States. Indeed, I have been doing whatever it takes behind the scenes over the past few months. For example:

Ann Was Practicing Before Debate

Notice how Barack was kinda flustered during the first debate? I was making goofy faces at him in the audience. Ann Coulter (she digs me by the way) and I took turns making  the little rabbit sign with our fingers behind Michelle's head when the President was talking.

Right before the Vice-Presidential Debate, I gave the Barista at the Centre College  Starbucks a handful of caffeine pills to slip into Joe Biden's skinny vanilla latte (no soy). I think it made Joe look a little jumpy.

The  Democratic Party relies a lot on the illegal alien vote. I have been conducting educational  seminars along the Texas and California border. Do you know what the word  "barack" means in Spanish? Arrogant, big eared, liberal, know it all, that's what. I think I turned a few votes.

Then there is the techno geek buddy of mine I had hack into the 22 million free cell phones Barack has doled out to buy votes. On Tuesday morning, there is going to be a pre-recorded message on each phone informing each owner of the new Obama Free Color TV Initiative and where to pick them up on election day. This should keep a few voters away from the polls.

American Bar Association

Our team of dirty tricksters will keep the trail lawyer lobby away from the polls by feigning automobile accidents all over the country. We are mobilizing 100,000 ambulances. 

I have devised similar dirty tricks to be played on the felon vote, the ugly woman I hate men vote, the fat slovenly federal worker vote, the ultra white skin I have not  taken a bath in 6 years Vegan vote, the limousine liberal I actually own a little yappy lap dog vote and the people of French ancestry vote; all of whom are core constituencies of the Democratic Party. I can't disclose these tactics, but needless to say, like me, they are BRILLIANT! 

                     ROB (Who Is Always Right)
                     Reporting From Secret Dirty Tricks Bunker
                     Somewhere, North America

AURORA, GOD, MAN AND THE DEVIL

Federalist Paper # 10

The tragic deaths of those movie goers in Aurora, Colorado is by now a familiar tale. A tragic event inflames passions and there is a rush "to do something." This is the danger of direct democracy and why fellow Virginian James Madison, the father of the Constitution advocated a republican form of government. In Federalist Paper # 10, Madison stated  "A pure democracy can admit no cure for the mischiefs of faction. A common passion or interest will be felt by a majority, and there is nothing to check the inducements to sacrifice the weaker party. Hence it is, that democracies have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and have, in general, been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their deaths". Jemmy had it right.
 



Lexington and Concord

Of  course, the action being proposed is to restrict gun ownership. I am a passionate supporter of the 2nd Amendment, it is our most important individual right, because without it, we would have no rights whatsoever.  The battles at Lexington and Concord that sparked the Revolutionary War ( the Shot Heard Around The World") were fought because our own government attempted to disarm the citizenry.

Light or Darkness?

However, I am not going to "bang" on about gun rights, I want to identify and articulate upon the root cause of the Aurora tragedy: EVIL.  This is a subject that the liberal media avoids, because to do so would acknowledge certain spiritual truths that make them ( and truthfully most of us) extremely uncomfortable. For if one acknowledges the existence of God (which 90% of Americans do), then a whole panoply of sequential choices assert themselves which cannot be avoided. In another words,....if God exists, then what? The first choice is do we run to the light and submit to Him or do we escape to the darkness?

Satan, Lucifer, the Devil. In polite society and elite circles, the very concept of Satan elicits guffaws and sneers from the beautiful people. Only boorish snake handling hillbillies and rubes from the bible belt believe in "the devil." I will not try and convince you of Satan's existence, but I will state that the presence of Satan and man's imperfect and flawed nature is a central theme in  all Christianity. C.S. Lewis wrote much on the subject and believed as I do in not only Satan's existence, but in our complete power over Satan through Christ.




LIVE FROM WASHINGTON:
TODAY GOD REVEALED
HIMSELF, THOUSANDS OF
 HEARTS CHANGED

 Evil exists all around us, yet as a nation we never seem to have a dialogue about it because we are not supposed to talk about such things,.... it is impolite. Yet, if we acknowledge the existence of God, which a vast majority of us do, then isn't God's nature the greatest question and unsolved mystery in all of humanity and shouldn't this topic be the headline in every paper and the lead off story on "the nightly news?"

I am convinced that the reason we do not debate the nature and essence of God with the same vigor we discuss gun control  and other issues is because we are AFRAID.  If we acknowledge and submit, then we cannot be our own god, and it scares the hell out of us.

If through Christ we can conquer Satan and thus all evil, then wouldn't this solve all of the world's problems? James Holmes committed an evil act, yet last month in Chicago, there were 47 murders, 47 evil acts. Every night there are roughly 3,400 violent crimes committed against our brothers and sisters.

It seems to me that we as a nation waste an awful lot of time jawboning about little issues and avoid THE issue. If a way to stop all this madness has been divinely revealed to us, why isn't this discussion our national debate?

ROB

( who by the way is a woeful sinner and imperfect man)

BAIN CAPITAL, JOBS AND YO MAMA

HOW DARE HIM BE SUCCESSFUL

President Obama was on the stump yesterday, whelping his battle cry: "Bain Capital outsourced jobs." This is the modern day political equivalent of screaming "Yo Mama," when one is not clever enough to manufacture a non-nonsensical comment.

I have always been argumentative ( some might say cantankerous, but it is really my love of humanity that drives me to tell others how to think).   Being always RIGHT about pretty much everything, I have spent a lifetime helping people by correcting their wrong  headed ideas and letting them know how  stupid they are. Most always, the recipients of such helpful instruction have appreciated my kindness and generosity in "showing them the light." I can remember playing football in high school, razzing another player, if they had no clever comeback, the dullard would simply say "Yo Mama."    President Obama has no "comeback" to the dismal economy he created, so he merely screams "OUTSOURCING! " He might as well say "Mitt Romney- Yo Mama," and sit down because it would be just as idiotic.  ( For the proper ettiquette on when one is allowed to say "Yo Mama," see post script below).

There is nothing wrong with outsourcing. The goal of business is to create PROFITS, not jobs. Profits create opportunities (jobs) for others as the free flow of capital will naturally flow to where it will be deployed most efficiently. The role of a business owner is to deploy whatever capital he has as productively as possible. No business owner sets as his goal to create "jobs," nor should this be a primary concern of any business owner: the pursuit of profits is  the sole motivating force behind all business. 




Bain Capital and Joe the Dry Cleaner must produce a product that people buy on their own volition. This is not easy to do, especially as Bain and Joe have many competitors trying to sell their products to the same people. The drive to achieve these sales and beat the competition are the essential stimulants to productivity; which demands an efficacious use of resources. If outsourcing labor functions to China eliminates waste and inefficiency by driving down labor costs (thus enhancing productivity), then jobs must go to China. The people who lost their jobs to China must find a way to be more productive by producing a service that an employer will pay for, thus making sure that labor is being as productive as possible. This push to be productive enhances societal evolution and creates human dignity.  Capitalism is a continuous cleansing process, washing away waste and inefficiency, forcing  us all to be productive in our output of our energy and resources.  It is the vibrant engine that has created the largest explosion of wealth in the history of mankind.



DYNAMIC CAPITALISM

 What President Obama is effectively saying is that Romney should have made the products and services that Bain produced more expensive to buy in order to keep unproductive people unproductive.  This is idiotic. Moreover, outsourcing is more than a Zero sum game, as the products produced are then resold to American consumers at low prices, creating more wealth (capital) to be deployed in other areas. Each unit of wealth produced creates more opportunity for greater wealth, as each widget produced overseas ( a unit of capital) is then shipped back to the US where free people make money handling that product/unit of capital.  This  rising tide of  economic opportunities ultimately creates jobs and dispenses greater wealth to all elements of society as every dollar of profits produced HAS to be deployed in the greater economy. Think about it: you make a dollar, it either goes in the bank where it is used to provide capital to others, or it is used to buy a product, say a Diet Coke, where the purchase supports a chain of production starting with vanilla bean growers in  Madagascar, to shipping, trucking and rail providers, insurance entities, aluminum can producers,  convenience store operators, etc. That one dollar of profit is responsible for a small fraction of the salary of literally millions of workers.

Go Live In France
PLEASE!!!!

Capital in a free market is not static. The invisible hand of the market place is contstantly at work molding and shaping capital to be as productive as possible, analysing trillions of bits of information every minute to produce what society wants and needs.  One cannot view outsourcing in a simplistic, myopic way by professing that each job shipped over seas  takes away a job in the United States. This is silly, sophomoric, insulting and down right STUPID.

I think Barack Obama should be outsourced to France.

ROB


POSTSCRIPT:

See Page 67 Above On "Yo Mama"
Rules of Etiquette 

The etiquette on being allowed to say " Yo Mama" is well established. In basketball,  one  gets to say "Yo Mama," when you have done something good. It is perfectly proper to say "Yo Mama" when you score on somebody or block their shot, but you don't say "Yo Mama" when you get called for traveling or shoot a free throw and miss the rim. It's stupid. Barack Obama, a socialist ninny who hates business and is presiding over the worst economy since the Depression is lecturing Mitt Romney, tremendously successful venture capitalist on job creation. It is vulgar breach of Yo Mama ettiquette.










 

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