DON'T TOUCH MY WEINER!!!

Anthony Weiner is in the news. The Weiners and the Smiths have always had a love hate relationship. Don't get me wrong, Weiners know how to have fun; they are hard working and attentive, but sometimes they have led us Smiths astray. We certainly admire their independence, but sometimes we question their lack of judgment.

We shared a beach cottage once. We Smiths were content to stay in and play scrabble, but oh no, not the Weiners! When we protested, the Weiners would always get worked up,.... they are very excitable ( See Anthony's press conferences). Somehow the Weiners would always get their way and we'd always end up at some cheesy bar along the Boardwalk. Those Weiners have very strong personalities, frankly we were no match for them.

The following year, we went to Queens and stayed in a whole house full of Weiners. We ran into some people from Richmond at the Mets game and exposed our Weiner freinds to them. They were not amused. They said the Weiners were rude and ugly. Well nobody insults our Weiners like that! Right when things were about to explode, cooler heads prevailed.

My Dad's first cousin, Walter Lefew was VERY close to a bunch of Weiners. He was an old southern bachelor ( wink!) and would often have parties full of Weiners at his house in Windsor Farms. When I was little, my Mother and I would visit cousin Walter. Well, if he came to the door at noon wearing a silk bathrobe and an ascot, my Mom would just know that he was entertaining Weiners and would quickly scurry me down the street. Cousin Walter was a big art collector. I remember Mother saying something about art collectors really liking Weiners. This always confused me because all the Weiners I ever knew were rather bull headed and cared nothing about art, except for those Rubens portraits of fat women.

The Weiners were always funny dressers too. When I was at the University

of Virginia, during cooler or inclement weather, a lot of guys wore those London Fog trench coats. This made sense, but what was always puzzling to me was the Weiners always wore rain coats, even on warm summer days. When I was 16, my Dad gave me a lecture about how smart all the Weiners were for wearing their raincoats and that I should emulate them. I still don't know what the hell he was talking about.

Well, I understand from reading the papers that Anthony Weiner has gotten into some sort of trouble. I always liked Anthony, he's a first class Weiner for sure.