BO MONTAGUE !!!!

Hey Nurse, Want To See
My Thermometer?

 My friend  Bo Montague had a heart attack. His heart stopped.......

I called Bo around 8 am Friday morning to leave him a sophomoric and very immature message, but didn't hear back from him. By the time I had called, he was already under massive cardiac arrest.

Bo is truly a good guy, perhaps he is a lovable scoundrel. What I love about Bo is his good cheer and his brutal honesty. Like all of us, virtually everyone on the planet, Bo has enjoyed good times and bad, but the remarkable thing about Bo is he is always the same: cheerful and self-deprecating. When he hits a home run he is modest and cheerful, when he does something stupid, he is really funny and honest about it. Bo is a source of great entertainment and joi de vie. I think we can all learn something from Bo: attitude is important and happiness is infectious.

I Am One Goofyass Son Of A Bitch

Bo would not want me to write an article about him without mentioning the fact that he lived on The Lawn at the University of Virginia. ( There you dumb bastard, I said it). Bo was also a Marine officer. In fact, he lives his life as kind of a perfect hybrid of Virginia fraternity boy and Marine: Bo plays hard ( eh em, ...real hard) and works hard. He squeezes every minute out of life. He has two awesome daughters and loads of friends. Oh yeah, he also won the Shakespeare Award at Episcopal High School ( There you dumb bastard, another plug for you). Now, what are we supposed to learn from all this?  I will tell you: GOD has a plan for Bo Montague.

Bo lives in Hampton ( in the 757 ). He was on the treadmill early Friday morning. Next to him was an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT). Bo dropped....,  his heart completely stopped. The EMT somehow grabbed/found electric shock paddles and had to deliver 3 charges to jump start his heart. Bo is at the Heart Pavilion at Norfolk General and is doing fine. In fact, his circulatory system is in pretty good shape, he merely had one bad artery that was 95% blocked. The docs put in a couple stints and he will now be new and improved. He had a really close call.

Angel McJugs
Sorry, Only "Angel" Pic I Had

I have no doubt that the EMT was an angel, the kind sent from God. That's right, like  Gabriel and Clarence Oddbody. What are the chances that when some lug head like Bo has massive cardiac arrest and will die in seconds, there just happens to be this dude standing beside you who knows how to hook the jumper cables up to your ticker? I am telling you, God is smiling on Bo Montague. God doesn't do these things for no reason. He has a plan for Bo. I have no doubt that a divine hand has reached down and once again revealed Himself to us and to Bo.

I am happy Bo is still with us, the son of a bitch makes me laugh. I am also grateful that we have an all loving, all knowing God who has chosen to use Bo for His purposes. A win - win all around.

HAPPY DRUNKEN IRISH DAY!!!

Click Here For
DRUNKEN IRISH DAD SONG

One of the great benefits of being generally disliked and loathed by so many people is you can say pretty much anything you want without worrying about folks getting mad at you.  I have already offended pretty much everyone who can read, which means most everyone in 49 of the 50 states. ( I am anxious for West Virginia to get its literacy rate above 10% so I can piss them off too). My point is I can speak the unvarnished truth and say things like  "Happy Drunken Irish Day." Seriously, what are the Irish really known for and don't tell me great writers like James Joyce and George Bernard Shaw,...the Irish are known for GETTING DRUNK AND FIGHTING. None of the happy, jovial blokes throwing up in the streets today watching Hibernian parades have even heard of Leopold Bloom's odyssey, nor do they know that St. Patrick really came from England, ....nope they are just getting drunk because its fun to get drunk and the Irish are damn good at it.


St. Patrick's Day's  popularity with the non-Irish has a lot to do with pretty much everybody likes to get liquored up and have fun. Now its a legit holiday! Perhaps this is really how the Irish really "Saved Civilization." 

 2012 West Virginia English
 Speaking Union Officers

Wouldn't it be a better world if we as a country/culture just called a spade a spade and gave things a more truthful moniker. Take Labor Day. Nobody works on Labor Day, so why the hell do we call it "Labor" Day? Wouldn't a more truthful name be "Day 6 Of The 10 Free Vacation Days Taxpayers Give To Incompetent Government Worker's Day."


Valentine's Day should be called "You Better Buy Her Something Or You Won't Be Gettinjiggy Day."


Mother's Day. See definition of Valentine's Day above.


Well, I would continue to rant about other names,  but it is a beautiful day and I am off to the Irish Festival,.....

RICHMOND VIRGINIA, BASEBALL AND GOVERNMENT WASTE

Monument Avenue

Here in the City of Monuments, the city built on 7 hills, affectionately called "Mecca" by those of us who love Richmond and feel connected to it in our souls, we have a problem. The problem is government, and unfortunately our problem is replicated all over America: fat cat politicians recklessly spending our money, instead of being good stewards of assets that are not their personal fiefdoms.


Nothing illustrates this phenomena more than the current debate in Richmond over building a new baseball stadium. Richmond finds itself with an extra $62 million in cash due to a payout by a toll road bond authority. The $62 million should be used to pay down debt: period. Mayor Jones has devised an elaborate plan to spend the money with $50 million going towards a new baseball stadium. The once conservative Richmond Times Dispatch seems to be on board, a groundswell of support seems to be quaking, yet no one, to my knowledge, has even asked the question: what business does the city have building and owning a ball park? There is the usual blah, blah, blah mindless mush about civic pride and "keeping up" with other southern cities, but why is it the responsibility for our local government to build and own a baseball stadium to be used by a private business?

The Diamond

Baseball is a business, just like manufacturing widgets. We have a Double AA baseball team, the Flying Squirrels. ( I always thought The Richmond "Goober Peas" or "Snobs" would have been a better name). The Squirrels produce a product, people pay to attend games and buy hot dogs. It is a business, pure and simple. Why does the government fund the physical plant for a baseball team and not the physical plant for my widget factory? I have been engaged in entrepreneurial activities in Richmond for 25 years. Perhaps no other region our size in America has the business talent and financial resources as can be found in central Virginia (home to an amazingly diverse business climate). If baseball makes sense as a business enterprise, the private sector will build a stadium.  $50 million ain't jack for a city/region that has seen billions of dollars of private sector capital investment over the past decade. The city should focus on fixing potholes and reducing red tape and taxes, let capital investment come from the private sector where  people risk their own money. The city should sell our existing facility, ( the Diamond, pictured above) to private enterprise and pay down even more debt.

Richmond Is A Beautiful City

If this is about civic pride, I'd be a lot prouder of my city if it was run properly. Richmond's beauty, architecture and history is plenty to be proud of. I for one don't need a rinky-dink municple facility run by government flunkies and apparatchiks to enhance my civic pride. However, if others feel differently, raise the $ through a public offering, which would only need $39 from each citizen of the region to build the facility debt free.


I love baseball, (see my June 2011 article (BASEBALL, FATHER'S DAY AND AMERICA), BUT I LOVE LIMITED GOVERNMENT MORE!!!! 

PISSING ON THE TALIBAN

I AM SORRY, BLAH, BLAH

Perhaps you have heard about the 4 Marines who might be court marshaled by the Obama Administration for taking a leak on a few dead Taliban. Let me get this straight. It is ok to kill the bad guys, but not ok to pee on them? I don't get it. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has spent the past few weeks apologizing to our enemies for this "despicable act."

THE LAWN AT VIRGINIA

I have never been to war, but I have seen savagery and barbarianism first hand. You see, I was a student at the University of Virginia in the late 70s and early 80s. One was likely to see more "despicable acts" at the SAE House on an average Thursday night in 1979 than in the entire 237 year history of the United States Marine Corps. There are two "ribbon" societies at the University,  Eli Banana ( 1878) and T.I.L.K.A. ( 1889). I was inducted into one of these venerable organizations my 3rd Year. It is the custom, indeed a tradition  of both these organizations to piss on new inductees. No where is "tradition" more valued than in the Commonwealth of Virginia, so  I am sure this practice still goes on. An inductee is told to get stinking drunk and to be at his fraternity house at a given time just prior to being "tapped." Due to the "stinking drunk" mandate, I don't really remember being pissed on, but I am sure I was. My 4th Year, my organization inducted a well known athlete. To this day, I remember peeing on him right in front of the Phi Kapp House. Whenever, his name comes up in polite conversation today, I always chirp up and mention  "I pissed on him once." Perhaps, I should be embarrassed, but I am not. We never had the benefit of a week long politically correct orientation period like students do now where men are told to act more like women and women are told to act more like men. For this reason, I blame my immaturity on the University. 

DKE HOUSE, BAA, BAA!!!!

20 year old boys, away from home, filled with whiskey and testosterone make the Visigoths who sacked Rome look like Mormon Youth Mission Groups. I saw shotguns go off in rooms full of people, cars set on fire, fights, women providing favors to a room full of ........... (well I won't go there) and I certainly won't mention on this family oriented blog what the DKE House members did with farm animals. ( No, I am not going to go there!). My point is, 20 year old boys do things that we as 40 year old men would not do. However, pissing on a few dead Taliban is hardly the crime of the century. Furthermore, when I got pissed on in 1980, I don't remember Jimmy Carter or Secretary of State Cyrus Vance getting their panties in a wad over what happened to me. No one contacted the UN and the ninnies at the State Department did not blather all over themselves apologizing to all the despots in the world about  the "despicable act" that befell me?

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR
HELP CYRUS

Now, although I have never been to war, I have been shot at, threatened with a knife and had to out run the cops ( more than once). Let me tell you, hearing buckshot wiz by your head and ricochet off of the trees near you or having a crazed woman threaten you with a knife will get your heart rate up. I once ran down and apprehended a crackhead  who had broken into my house. ( Yes, I AM a big strapping HOSS).   While chasing him, I told him I was going to kill him. I envisioned catching him and beating him to a pulp. Once  tackled and under my control, I immediately  cooled off, but who knows what I would have or could have done under slightly different circumstances. I could have killed the guy, or WORSE, I could have PEED ON HIM!!!


Contrast my little scrapes with danger with what a United States Marine goes through in Afghanistan. (My oldest brother  who I am quite proud of was a Marine in Vietnam). Marines are trained to kill, to actually rip the heart out of their enemy with their bare hands. These Marines are fighting a vicious and morally repugnant ideological army that delights in publicly torturing women and children, mass murder, beheading and disemboweling  Americans. They cheer and delight in the mass murder of  American men, women and children.  There is no honor in these people. These brave Marines are looking into the face of absolute evil everyday, in a treacherous country, putting their lives at risk and on call 24/7 all the time. 

PROTECTING US FROM EVIL:
U.S. MARINES

Since 1775, in the history of all warfare, no other country's military forces have conducted themselves with such honor and dignity as those armed units of the United States, and this is especially true of the Marine Corps. To the extent there is morality in war, the United States is the gold standard, no other country comes close. 


Just once I would like to hear one of our blow hard politicians say something sensible like " While it is not our policy for our armed forces to piss on the dead soldiers of our enemies, these things sometimes happen. Our enemy is evil and we support our troops fighting under very difficult circumstances." 


I ain't holding my breath.

PAYROLL TAX FAX

Our Founding Fathers designed a system of government that was dependent on the consent of the governed for its existence. Wary of a strong central government, the Founders created a system where the federal government could not be funded without the authorization of citizen legislators who would serve their country for a brief period of time and then return home to pursue private affairs divorced from and not dependent on the tentacles of government.

Edmund Burke

 One of my favorite quotes (and favorite political theorists)  is that of Edmund Burke, the great British Whig ( and perhaps father of modern conservatism) who stated in   1770, "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Burke also stated that "...people never give up their liberties but under some delusion (1784)." He also stated "... true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients, and by parts (1777)." Good men of the 21st century should pay close attention to the 18th century British politicist. Let's begin with the "payroll tax" which has been much in the news the past fortnight.


Washington's ineptitude to accomplish any act of sound fiscal responsibility is firmly established by its recent action to extend the recent payroll tax reduction for an extra two months. Big Whoop. Social Security, a horrifically bad idea to begin with is bankrupt, so what does Congress do? It reduces the revenue earmarked to support social security by 30% ( from 6.2 to 4.2%).  Congress is fiscally retarded. However, what really ought to be debated is the complete elimination of "payroll taxes"  and "employee withholding" all together. Edmund Burke would approve. If folks had to write a check to the government themselves for these taxes, there would be an immediate rebellion.


For those of you who have never owned a business, let's review how payroll taxes work and their history:

Dear Little People: I Will
Spend Your Money For You
I Went To Harvard

No surprise here, but that great man of the people, Franklin Roosevelt (elitist blowhard) came up with the idea of payroll taxes because he felt the American people were too dumb to realize that they would be scammed. Here is the way they work: Joe Sixpack gets a job at Bubba's Micro- Brewery.  His true wage ( cost to Bubba's) is $31 /hour, but Bubba's  only pays him $ 18.60/hour. Why? Because Bubba's is required to pay 7.65% of his wages to the IRS for Social Security (6.2%)  and Medicare (1.45%). Bubba's also pays all of Joe's health insurance at a cost of $6,000/year because the IRS allows Bubba's to deduct all of these costs, but doesn't allow Joe to shop for his own insurance, get a better deal and then deduct all these expenses on his tax return. Joe is in the 25% tax bracket ( 35k to 85k). Joe earns $50,000/year and the government takes 25% of this, $12,500 in federal taxes. Joe receives a weekly payroll check of $744. If there were no withholding taxes, Joe would likely receive $ 64,825/year or $1,247/week, 40.44 % more than he does now. ( This does not include any state taxes).  The $64,825 is calculated as follows:


$50,000 base salary
$ 3,825 FICA Tax Paid By Employer
$ 6,000 Health Insurance Paid By Employer
$ 5,000 Pain In The Ass Expense


For those who doubt "the pain the ass expense," you obviously have never run a business. An employer has to make a margin off of every expense line item to stay afloat, the cost of complying with and capital risk identified with federal employment regulations  surely exceeds 10% of gross wages.

SORRY CHUMPS
BUT YOUR $$$ BELONGS TO US!!!

The most pernicious aspect of this system is  before Joe gets his check, Bubba's  has to wire the IRS 32.65% of his earnings ( 25% plus 7.65%). Thus before Joe can even enjoy the fruit of his labor, the federal government swipes (steals) 1/3 of his paycheck away from him. If Bubba's is one minute late in wiring the IRS this money (usually one full banking day before Joe gets paid), Bubba's  is immediately fined 2% of its IRS payroll deposit. The owners of Bubba's ( Bubba and Charlene, who are responsible parties) are personally liable to the IRS and can go to jail if they do not pay this withholding tax to the IRS. If one studies the legislative history of the "Current Tax Payment Act of 1943," the act that the Roosevelt administrative concocted to create "withholding taxes," it is clear that Roosevelt's desire was to confiscate the earnings of the wage earner  before the wage earner received his earnings.  For once the wage earner received his money, it would be much harder for the government to collect taxes that the taxpayer objected to paying.  It was war time and FDR was a master of the "never let a good crisis go to waste" school of politics.  FDR and his merry men of socialists made the argument that tax payers should sacrifice "just like our soldiers" and thus the people, no doubt distracted by events overseas, were duped into the loss of their liberty. The congressional record is clear, the real purpose of the Act was for an avaricious  government to confiscate the wealth of its people through intimidation and manipulation.  67 years after WWII ended, the federal government still takes your money that you have earned before you even get paid. You do not have the choice to protest because your money is stolen from you before you get it. Your employer goes to jail  and his business is fined out of existence if he does not comply.

WE INSULT OUR FOREFATHERS
WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING
FOR LIBERTY

We as Americans have " just accepted"  this incredible loss of liberty. Think about it: before you even get paid, the government swoops in and takes 1/3 of your earnings. If each taxpayer got the full fruit of his earnings, in this case $ 1,247/week as opposed to $744 and taxpayers then wrote a check to the IRS, there would be a "Shay's Rebellion" revolt. Each taxpayer would quickly see what a rip off  Social Security is and also see  how being empowered to spend their own health care dollars would save them money and give them better health care options. Moreover, the cost of compliance with all this regulation would translate into an immediate real wage increase for all Americans.


The real debate in Washington should be "why do we allow the federal government to enslave us?" Rob says LIVE FREE OR DIE!

A CURMUDGEON'S MUSINGS ON CHRISTMAS



MR. POTTER



I don't like Christmas. I know that is not a warm and fuzzy thing to say, but then again I have never been accused of being warm and fuzzy. I am mean as a snake, in fact I make  mean slithering snakes look like cute little puppies.  The only thing I like about Christmas is when Mr. Potter says:

" You see, if you shoot pool with some employee here, you can come and borrow money. What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty, working class."

 That is a great line! ( It really warms my heart).

Hey Kid, Go Play In The Freeway

About the only thing fun about Christmas is telling little kids there is no Santa Claus.  I guess you could say I have a strong independent streak. I don't like being like everyone else.  If everybody else is being nice and syrupy, I am going to be mean and grumpy. What's more, I hate being told what to do. The 4 times I have actually done something nice for someone else ( 1977, 1986, 1990 and 1997), I did it because I felt like it, not because someone told me to. If you ask me politely to take the trash out, I will do it, but if you TELL ME to take the trash out, I am going to dump it all out on your kitchen floor and walk out. Sorry, that's just the way I am wired and by the way: EAT ME!

Doc, Why Does Santa  Hate Me?

I have given Christmas a lot of thought and frankly we Americans  have really screwed Christmas up and in the process caused all kinds of (lifetime) psychological damage to generations of children. Christmas is excessive; it is TOO much. It ain't healthy. No doubt, Christmas is a magical time for an 8 year old. The problem is, as adults we expect to FEEL the same way at Christmas as we did when we  were 8. Children grow up to be adults with unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be. As a result, it seems that depression, family squabbles, undue stress and many other dysfunctions  reach their zenith at Christmas. We try to assuage all these ills by making Christmas "bigger," instead of realizing that it is the "bigness" of Christmas that causes all these problems.  
 

My Recent Haul From Dinner Party

While I am woeful sinner, a first rate scoundrel and  always up to no good, I do know a thing or two about Christian theology. Such knowledge comes in handy. For example, no host of a fancy dinner party would ever expect you of stealing their  silver if you are pretending to be pious and waxing eloquently about the Babylonian  Exile or the Doctrine of the Trinity. If you are at a bar and meet a babe and start talking about the Synoptic Gospels or transubstantiation, the woman will trust you and almost always tell you to watch her pocketbook while she goes to Ladies Room. (Of course when she gets back, you are gone with enough small bills to keep you occupied a few hours at the local, uh,....dance club).




Dude, let's get some Munchies
 after the pageant !!!

All kidding aside: I have a serious point to make. As much as I know about Christian theology, I never really understood what Christmas was "truly" about until a few years ago. I have attended 100 Christmas pageants where  the local 15 year old "stoner" recites the familiar "Christmas" passages from Luke. ( By the way, I have always been a little pissed at my parents for not naming me Caesar Augustus instead of Rob). One Christmas Eve, I attended the midnight Messiah service at my church, St. James Episcopal in Richmond. The music was beautiful and quite frankly I was moved by it. I listened attentively to Handel's lyrics. As the service ended, the  choir processed under the candle light onto  the portico and stood among the massive Corinthian columns and sang Silent Night in German. ( I haven't even mastered Pig Latin, so naturally I was impressed).   As I and everyone else quietly walked to our cars in the brisk,  cold air, it SUDDENLY HIT ME. 

JESUS
Ok, I couldn't find a current photo
of the real Jesus

 Christmas of course is  not about toys or material things. However,  it is not really about the birth of Jesus. Christmas is about the GIFT of Jesus to a broken world to heal and reconcile us with each other and with Him. No rancor, no bitterness, only joy.

Now, that I think about it: I DO LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!

Joy. It is a damn good gift. ( Much better than a fruitcake).

Joy to the World and Merry Christmas!

MEN LIKE TO PEE OUTSIDE

I Wonder If I Can Kill
This Rose Bush?

12/01/2011

I'll be the first to acknowledge that as smart and brilliant as I am, I know nothing about women. Indeed, it is impossible to "study up" on women, because the answers to the exam questions are always changing. However, men never change, we are always the same. With this said, I am always surprised at how little women know about men. For example, we like to pee outside.

Women are always trying to get men to behave in certain ways that are totally contrary to our nature: like peeing indoors. We like to pee outside, preferably on something. I'm sorry, but if your prize daffodils are in a big clay pot, we are going to pee on them, we can't help it. When I was growing up, my boyhood dog, Moonshine used to pee on the tires of all visitors to our house: not just one tire, but he would meticulously conserve his urine and pee an equal amount on all 4 tires. Moonshine was a man's man kind of dog. God, I love that dog.

Keep The Toilet Seat Up America!

Recently, I was chastised by a lady pal of mine for not putting the toilet seat down after peeing. I am a nice guy, and I try to get along with folks, so after about the 83rd reprimand, I began to get it. The other day while visiting, I peed, I took several steps, remembered,  and then walked back into the bathroom to lower the toilet seat, and to my horror, I had involuntarily without any conscious thought already lowered the damn thing. Aghast, I thought to myself, ... I have been domesticated, I am now a "Stepford" drone of a man, life is over as I had known it. The gulag awaits. I felt as though someone had taken an oyster knife, excised my testicles and I was now First Soprano for the Vienna Boy's Choir.......... I wasn't going to take it, I had to fight back!!!  I promptly walked back in the bathroom and raised the toilet seat. I did this for America. I WILL NEVER LOWER THE TOILET SEAT AGAIN!!!!

Do We Want This Kind of America?

The idea that men should lower the toilet seat (much less pee inside) is anathema to the rugged individualism that made this country great. I have no doubt that the toilet seat expectation began to gain traction about the same time that we started to enroll our sons into youth soccer programs. Think about it. Boys should play sports where they throw a ball. How are they ever going to be able to throw a hand grenade with any degree of accuracy at our enemies if they grow up playing a Euro-Socialist sport like soccer?  I have no doubt that soccer is another leftist, Saul Alinsky plot to undermine America. I am sure it is all there in the first chapter of the Community Activist Handbook. (Comrades, get the American children to play soccer: workers unite!).

Or This Kind Of America?

Women of America, if you care about your country, you need to drop this silly toilet seat expectation. What you are really doing to your man is telling him that he is a loser and  he must give up on all his aspirations and dreams, wear a cardigan sweater and be consigned to a lifetime of only being able to read the "Lady's Home Journal." We didn't conquer the West, defeat the Nazis and win the Cold War by lowering the damn toilet seat!

You androgynous chumps go ahead and listen to Betty Lou, but as for me, I love America,  and I am going to walk outside right now and pee on Mrs. Johnson's Chrysanthemums. Men of America, you are either with me or against me. Charge!!!!